Dad's Tall Tales

"The Tremendous Tree"

Addam loved to climb trees.  He was an adventurous little boy with eyes the color of a clear blue sky in June and smile as crooked as a putter.  He was known far and wide as The Tree Climber, for his abilities attracted the attention of all the neighborhood kids.  Whenever Addam finished his daily chores, he’d venture out into his dad’s vast farmlands in search of a great climbing tree.  Once he was satisfied, he’d start ascending the tree until the branches could no longer support his weight.  There, perched comfortably on a branch, he’d survey the land stretched out before him.  It was during these moments when his child’s imagination would carry him into worlds full of flying beasts with wings the color of blue flame, elaborate castles growing out of the tops of trees and sprouting turret-shaped blossoms, giants the size of mountains sitting with large spoons and eating the clouds as if they were mashed potatoes, and a city of his own creation made up of tree houses that exist only in dreams. 

            One day, as Addam went searching for a new tree, he turned down an unfamiliar path.  After a few minutes of crushing leaves and branches under his boots, he made it to the base of a tree.  He leaned his head back to look up at the massive structure and his heart started racing.  The tree was gigantic!  It must be two thousand feet tall, he thought.  Without a second thought, he started to climb.  The ascent was easy.  It was as though the tree were designed specifically for him; for the branches were spaced close enough for his little boy arms and legs to reach.  When he could climb no farther, he straddled a branch and looked down.  The distance made his head swim and he clung onto the base of the tree to prevent himself from falling.  He was too high up!  He tried to climb down to the branch below him, but his body was shaking too much.  He stayed in that tree all day.  He was just about to doze off when he heard his dad calling his name.  He looked down to find his dad at the base of the tree, the size of an ant, holding a ladder.  His dad looked at him, then at the remarkably small ladder, then at the tree again, and then he turned and walked away.  A few minutes later he returned with a longer ladder, a look of disbelief on his face, and carried his son out of the tree and into the warmth of their modest farmhouse.  Addam the Tree Climber met his match that day but he vowed next time that he’d bring the ladder.

"The Stouthearted Swinger"

Addam and his friends were bored.  It was a hot and humid summer afternoon in Louisiana and there was nothing to do but catch frogs in the ditches and chase stray cats.  The small creek hidden in the woods behind their houses was an enticing yet deceptive trap full of sharp branches sticking out of the water like spikes.  No boy in his right mind would attempt to swim in there unless he had a death wish.  Yet Addam and his friends were bored, and anyone who knows children knows that boredom is the best motivation to get a child to do reckless things. So he and his friends decided to loiter by the edge of the creek.  Addam picked up a large rock and tossed it into the murky water.  He smiled crookedly at the satisfying splash.  Soon the other boys joined in and rocks started flying.  Eventually they got bored of that too and started throwing rocks at each other instead.  It didn’t last long.  While the boys were recovering from the attacks, Addam went in search of a rock to surprise his brother with.  What he found instead was a long sturdy rope hidden in the mud.  Addam wrapped his treasure across his shoulders and searched the creek bank for a tree with sturdy branches hanging out across the water.  Once he found one, he climbed as far as he could across the water and tied one end of the rope securely to the branch.  Then he tied a knot at the other end of the rope so that one’s feet wouldn’t slip off.  The boys stopped displaying their battle scars and watched Addam with growing excitement.

As soon as he was finished, the boys started pushing and shoving to get to the rope, but Addam wanted the first turn.  He stepped up onto a large rock and held the rope with both hands.  Addam wasn’t afraid of falling in the water.  After being tied to milk jugs and tossed into the river by his older brother, Addam knew how to swim.  However, he was afraid of the spikes and knew that if he slipped, he’d be coming home with water dripping out of the holes in his body.  So with that in mind, he pushed off from the rock as hard as he could at an angle.  The world spun out around him as he arced across the water and over the deadly spikes.  The strong wind pushed his hair back from his forehead and plastered the large grin to his face.  He was filled with pure adrenaline and courage.  If he survived this, he’d be dubbed Addam the Brave by all who hear of his heroic feat.  When he looked down at the spikes, however, his grin faded and he was terrified for a brief second.  He reached the bank in no time and the boys rushed over to congratulate him.  For the rest of that summer, children swung on the swing of death to prove their bravery.  Yet no one could ever top Addam the Brave.

"The Glorious Tree House"

Addam loved to build things, especially tree houses.  Several of his elaborate tree houses sat in tall trees throughout his dad’s farmlands.  His goal was to create a city in the trees; a city of children, like himself, who love to be above the world.  The houses would serve as sanctuaries for those who wish to escape the troubles of home.  Whenever Addam would search the woods for great climbing trees, he’d judge whether or not a house could sit in them.  When he reached a decision, he would bike to the nearest town in search of supplies.  With his wagon in tow, he’d collect discarded wood, bike parts, glass, furniture, rope, and anything that inspired him.  Then he’d ride back to the farm and start construction.

            On one of these days, Addam found several bike parts.  Bike wheels, chains, handlebars, seats, and frames were piled on the side of the road.  A single idea blossomed in his head.  A bike themed tree house, he thought!  He rushed back to the farm and started construction.  He decided on a simple floor plan; a single room with a door and windows on each wall.  The house was built so that the trunk of the tree went through the center of the house, top to bottom.  Then he hollowed out the tree and carved a spiral staircase that led to the house at the top. 

Addam built the railings on the wrap-around porch and the shutters flanking each window.  He created a pulley system using bike rims and chains, a tractor motor, rope, and handlebars.  On the inside he built a bed frame out of wood, attached rope to each corner, then attached the other ends of the rope to the ceiling so that it was suspended.  He built shelves to hold his books, toys, junk food, and other supplies.  When he finished the main structure, he climbed to another section of the tree devoid of leaves.  He then set about making a platform to build a fire safely without burning the tree down.  Feeling ambitious, he made several long nets out of rope and attached each end to the other tree houses.  They acted as bridges so that Addam could travel throughout his city without ever touching the ground.  When neighborhood children heard of this miraculous city, they rushed right over.  There they gathered at the bases of the trees and stared up with gawking faces.  Addam was hammering and didn’t notice the hum of voices until he took a break to wipe the sweat off his forehead.  He walked to the edge of the porch, saw the mass of children, grabbed a hold of the handlebars connected to his pulley system, and jumped.  The children gasped, then relaxed when they saw his slow and graceful descent.  Addam welcomed them and soon his city was populated with children from all parts of the county.  He became a noble and fair king whose legacy still lives on in the hearts of the children.